after midnight in real life

The rain in Wellington today makes me think of this moment...

The Sunday before last, when I was home down in Christchurch, I took a little time away from everything to visit the '185 Empty Chairs' memorial on Cashel Street. There are no words, only a horrible aching silence.

home for the weekend

i didn't go home for almost a year after the earthquake.

i guess i didn't want to see my city until i felt there was more hope. i think it's a bit like seeing someone you love really unwell, somehow it destroys your memory of them.... i didn't want to see christchurch because i didn't want my memories to change. 

what i loved about my time back home was that all the things i love most about christchurch are still there. and yes these things are different from how i remember, but somehow it's all still the same.

 the shipping crate shops on cashel street

some streets in the central city are still blocked off

i caught the ferry across from diamond harbour to lyttelton 

 i love you lyttelton coffee co.

this is the site where the building i once worked in stood.

there's a lot of love and hope in lyttelton. there are also heaps of cool people with great ideas.

so i can't wait to see it in a year from now.

grief

i am mourning. an entire city is suffering. there is an emptiness in the fallen bricks. missing people. quiet. and those found that will not share the hope still left. i know it is selfish for me to feel isolated in what has been endured. i wish i could help boil the water, sweep up the ceiling from the floor, light the lamps, comfort my little brother and find the cat. i can only give my love and a hug. over the telephone. i was not there. and i feel that.

here are some words.

I did not know what to say to him. I felt awkward and blundering. I did not how I could reach him, where I could overtake him and go hand in hand with him once more.

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.

from The Little Prince by Antoine De Saint-Exupery